


Three weeks

by WanderingBandurria



Series: ComfortMiniFest [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, Lie Low At Lupin's (Harry Potter), M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Soft feelings, Trauma Recovery, soft take on trauma recovery, trauma related symptoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26713108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingBandurria/pseuds/WanderingBandurria
Summary: Sirius has been at Remus' cottage for three weeks. Three weeks in which Remus has been trying to keep his feelings in check.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: ComfortMiniFest [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931170
Comments: 12
Kudos: 105





	Three weeks

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Oof, I posted a lot in the past few days. This is because I wrote for SwottyPotter's comfort minifest in Tumblr, so I had these one-shots to share here. I hope you like this one, the theme was gratitude and it has a more classical feeling to it, since it's a "lie low at Lupin's." 
> 
> As usual, thanks to my Beta, LikeABellThroughTheNight, for all the help with my English. Still, since English is not my first language, if you spot anything that sounds wrong, please let me know. Mistakes are my absolute responsibility but I still love learning English and corrections help me achieve that!
> 
> This deals with trauma recovery/PTSD symptoms, but, like most of my fics for this fest, its dealt in a very soft, mellow way. Please remember that everyone’s process of recovery is different, and if you are struggling, I’m sending tons of love. Your process is valid and I hope this might help you feel less alone.

“I’ll do the dishes,” Sirius says, standing up resolutely and starting to pile things in his hands before Remus can.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to!” Remus stats anyway, standing awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen. He’s not sure what to do with himself if he’s not busying himself around the house, because _Sirius is here_ , he’s been here for the last three weeks, and he’s looking stronger, physically and mentally. Of course, Remus knows that his recovery will be slow and that Sirius is just starting to fight his demons - he knows that numbness is just a shape strength can take, but that you can’t live like that forever, even though it can be pretty important in some moments.

Remus knows - he _knows_ , because he’s been dealing with his own demons for the past twelve years.

He breathes in and reminds himself to be grateful, because Sirius _is here_ , and at least now he sleeps in the guestroom. And even though some nights Remus’ heart breaks at the screams and sobs that come from Sirius’ room, well, _Sirius is here_ , and he allows Remus to enter his room, wake him up, and sit by his side until he calms down and falls asleep again. _Sirius is here_ , and during the day, he stays with Remus sometimes, and when he’s not with him, he’s not crouched down beside Buckbeack, but taking walks in the woods or doing things in the garden. He has even caught Sirius reading in bed a couple of times, engrossed in _New developments in Transfiguration - first-hand experiences and other fun stories._ And it’s only been three weeks, but Sirius is eating regularly, taking long baths and slowly starting to talk to Remus about everyday things, asking about Remus’ work, and even sliding in a couple of questions about the past years. Most of them are about _where did you buy this book,_ or _when did you start growing carrots in your garden_ , or even _that jumper looks good on you, Moony, it’s fairly new, isn’t it?_

They never talk about _before_ , or _them_ , but that’s okay. Remus would be in no rush of breaching those subjects either if it wasn’t for his heartbeat picking up every time their fingers casually graze together, and if he didn’t know that the war is close _again_ and that he wants - ah, how he wants, to have a chance to tell Sirius how much he loves to see him smile, and sigh, and frown, and actually, to just see him. How much he wants to kiss him, and hold his hand at night, and help him with his hair in the bathtub, and… well, be happy together, in spite of how broken and tired their old bones are.

But Remus knows it’s not okay to do that, to push Sirius into something that he probably hasn’t even considered, because his life is at risk, Harry is at risk, and he’s learning how to be free again, and Remus knows _that_ should be Sirius’ priority. And furthermore, Remus is his _host_ , so he can’t, he _won’t_ force the topic, because he only wants Sirius to be happy, to be comfortable, so he can deal with things at his own rhythm.

But the weight of his feelings has started to be like a shadow in their conversations, seeping into Remus’ silences, with all the topics that they are not supposed to talk about, with all the words that Remus wants to say but won’t. 

So instead of saying anything dumb, he stands there, in the middle of his kitchen, watching Sirius’ back, as he hums softly while he does the dishes in the muggle way.

“I’ll go feed Buckbeack then, if that’s alright,” Remus forces himself to say, to avoid saying things as _I love you, I never forgot you._

“Oh, yeah, of course. He loves you, he’ll be happy to see you,” Sirius says over his shoulder, and Remus is almost sure there’s a hint of a smile on those lips, so he stays dazzled there for a second before he takes the bag of bones that they’d bought a couple of days ago, and goes out.

Buckbeak is in the shed that used to have Hope’s car, and he huffs and stands up, as excitedly as a Hippogriff can get in all their regal majesty.

“Hey, Beaky, ready to eat?” he asks idly, because he had a cat until a few years ago, so talking with animals and creatures is now second nature. He uses his wand to put the contents of the bag into a big pot he donated to be Buckbeack’s feeding dish.

He pushes his back against one of the walls, watching the Hippogriff eat while he plays idly with his wand. 

“Both of you look so much better,” he says, and Buckbeack pulls his head up to look at him, inquisitively, “I mean, you have always been handsome, don’t take me wrong, but your feathers look so much shinier now that you get to be brushed every other day. And Sirius’ hair also looks good. I think it’s actually starting to grow faster now. Did you know that he could control the length of his hair with his magic, depending on his mood? He could make it much more longer so that he could braid it, if he was upset, or shorten it so it wouldn’t get in his eyes during a battle. I reckon it’s part of the metamorphmagus genes that are in his family. Do you think that’s something that is transmitted in genes or is more of a, I don’t know, magic thing?” he asks Buckbeack, but he just huffs and goes back to his food. 

Remus stays quiet for a minute there, lost in his memories - _Sirius tying his hair up at the crown of his head, Sirius with his hair in his face while flying on his broom, Sirius pulling the hair out of his face before kissing him, huffing annoyed about how Remus always got distracted with it, and how he smiled softly when Remus retorted that that was because he always ended up with a mouthful of hair in the middle of their snog…_

Remus sighs. He needs to get over this. He can’t get lost in his memories, wondering how would it feel to kiss Sirius now, and if Sirius would want his hair short, like he’s wearing it now, after cutting it upon arrival at his cottage, or if he would make it grow faster so that Remus could thread his fingers in it. He sighs again, and he’s startled when he’s suddenly being nuzzled by Buckbeack. The pot is empty, so he was lost in his thoughts for longer than he realised.

“I don’t think I ever thanked you properly for bringing him back to me, did I?” he says, softly petting Buckbeak’s neck. He closes his big bird eyes, happily. “I owe you so much, Beaky. I know I might sound bitter sometimes, but it’s just because… well, I love him. And in the end, I’m really happy that both of you are here and that you…” he cuts himself off when Buckbeak turns his face, squeaking delighted, and jogs to the door, where Sirius is.

Remus feels the blood leaving his face as he sees Sirius look back at him, surprise etched in his face. Sirius idly pats Buckbeak's side, frowning while deep in thought, while the Hippogriff pushes his beak against his cheek. Remus doesn’t move, too scared of messing things up any further.

“Did you mean it?” Sirius asks, sounding curious, cocking his head to bump his temple against Buckbeak.

“Did I mean what?” he asks, after clearing his throat and swallowing ineffectively a couple of times.

“You love me?” Sirius asks again, pushing Buckbeak back with both of his hands, his eyes still on Remus like he doesn’t want to miss a second of his reactions. Buckbeak huffs, stomps on the floor and walks back to sit in his nest.

Remus shrugs, nods, and says, hearing how tight his voice sounds, “yes, I do. But I know this is not the right moment for you, I know you have to -”

“Remus,” Sirius interrupts him, walking towards him, stopping just a step away from him, looming over Remus, looking taller than he usually does. “I spent twelve years in Azkaban, fighting desperately to keep my memories of you. I spent almost a year on the run, thinking of writing to you every other day, just to tell you that I should have said this or that when I saw you, that I should have kissed you, that I’m not sure of a lot of things, but that I’m sure of one thing, and that’s that I want to spend whatever amount of time is left for me with you,” he says, and he pushes forward, taking Remus’ face between his hands, pushing their foreheads together. “So _who cares_ if it’s not the right thing to do, because for once, _it is_ , if both of us want this, _it is_ , if we’ve been waiting for the other to say something because both of us wanted the other to be ready. _It is_ , if we’ll help the other lick his wounds instead of tearing each other up this time. And I’m sure we won’t, Remus, _I won’t_ , I won’t let anything fuck this up this time,” he says, and then he looks at Remus, breathless, with shiny eyes full of certainty.

Remus can’t do anything but let his tears, that have been pooling in his eyes since Sirius started talking, fall on his cheeks, and he nods and pushes forward to kiss Sirius desperately. 

Sirius kisses him back, his fingers grabbing his nape and pulling him closer - and Remus is quickly breathless, feeling _alive_ , because _this is Sirius_ , and the heat of his body is familiar and yet new, and he’s burning, and making Remus’ skin burn too, so he wants to take his shirt off, and see Sirius, trace every scar, every tattoo, every new mark on his body…

Buckbeak huffs so loudly, that they both freeze, mid-kiss, with their hands clutching at the other desperately, before starting to laugh. Sirius accommodates Remus’ shirt that he had already pushed up to gently scrape his fingernails down Remus’ stomach, and Remus dries the tears off his face, pushing his hands up, back to Sirius’ back.

“Sorry, Buckbeak,” Sirius calls over his shoulder, looking at the Hippogriff, who huffs again and looks away, offended. “We’ll go back into the house to, er, finish this… and maybe talk a bit more?” he asks Remus, with something like hope and fear mixing in his eyes.

Remus nods, but then he grins, happily.

“Yeah, we’ll talk. Later, Beaky,” and he takes Sirius’ hand and starts pulling him back to the house. “By the way," he says, smiling over his shoulders, stopping himself from just turning right there to start snogging Sirius again. “Did you have that prepared, or what?” 

Sirius laughs.

“Well, yeah. I’ve been meaning to talk with you for the past three days. I was going crazy with the tension,” he grins, and it’s _almost_ like when they were seventeen, but _it’s not_ , it’s not, because _they aren’t_ seventeen anymore. They aren't the same people anymore.

Remus is fine with that, somehow.

“Well, then. Lucky thing that we both didn’t have much more to do than go and bother Buckbeak with our thoughts,” Remus says, smiling again, before pushing open the door of the house and pulling Sirius in with him.

Sirius’ laugh makes Remus’ own chest tighten with glee.

“Yeah, lucky us,” he says, almost bitterly, but then he’s pushing Remus against a wall, kissing his neck and lining up their hips, making Remus’ mind go quiet.

_We’ll talk later_ , he convinces himself, _we’ll talk later and figure this out_ , he thinks, before losing all capacity of coherent thought.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this! Please let me know what you think with kudos or comments.
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://wanderingbandurria.tumblr.com/) where I gush about wolfstar.


End file.
